No two reactions are the same when someone comes out to their parents as gay. Some parents will be caught off guard. Others may merely feign surprise. For the child, opening up comes at the risk of losing everything if their parents don’t take the news well.

Parents who react adversely to their child coming out may threaten to withdraw their financial support in a misguided attempt to force the child to conform.

Although harsh, it is common, because such parents see it as the only way to rein in their children. But trying to force them into submission will leave permanent scars, says Bau Chung Sze-wan, a sex educator and registered social worker in Hong Kong.

“Parents should learn to accept their children for who they are, not who they want them to become. It’s important for them to respond supportively when their children come out.

“Parents need to first listen to their children’s standpoint and talk with them openly. Be open and transparent about each other’s feelings first, and remember there is no need to reject or accept their views or pass judgment,” Chung says.